Nursery rhymes they never teach you at school

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.

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MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two slices of bread.

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JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

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SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man, 'What have you got there?'
Said the Pie man unto Simon, 'Pies, you Dumb Ass'

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HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses, And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs, For breakfast again.

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HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.

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GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

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